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Something to ponder... by Jim Hopkins
Most Nifty Magician:Some pick Graham Henry, some pick Len Brown, some even pick Sonny Bill Williams. But this year’s Nifty Magician Award goes to that master of misdirection...Drum Roll, please ...Gerry Brownlee. “When you’re in the pits, get in the pits,” said Gerry, a magical gleam in his mystical eye. “Mining will be our salvation, starting with the Conservation Estate!” Needless to say, the chattering classes went troppo and took to the streets. While they were doing that, Gerry quickly stitched up a deal with PetroBras, which was probably all he wanted in the first place. Plus a few new mines in places nobody cared about – and he got them too. Take a bow, Mr B. Worst Behaviour By A Public Figure:Where to begin, that’s the question? Even before it’s over, we can safely call 2010 The Year of Living Brainlessly. Boasting boofheads galore, the go-go world of celebrity threw up countless unedifying spectacles, though it was less go-go and more no dough that saw the Duchess of Pork putting the buck in Buckingham Palace, thereby proving that scarlet women come in all shapes and tiaras (“It’s $5,000,000 for a Hello job, sweetie.”) With Fergie flogging off her ex and Paul Henry slagging off the Governor General, it’s no surprise Her Madge canned the Christmas knees-up. No pressies for Labour’s Glummy Dummy, Chris Carter, either. The wimp Member for Te Atatu must have shares in a Tantrum factory, he’s thrown so many. Speaking of tossers, we mustn’t forget ‘Plain’ Shane Jones paying for porn on the public purse, in the process giving new meaning to the phrase, “Whack it on the plastic!” But this year’s winner isn’t Hone or Henry, Fergie or Shane. No, the 2010 Worst Behaviour By A Public Figure Award goes to... Mother Nature for that very rude awakening at 4.35 a.m. on September the 4th. Previously considered benign, Richter wrecked her reputation, that’s for sure. 7.1 was definitely over the top. And there’s no doubt it was her fault. Unsung Heroes:Three cheers for the engineers. They’re the real heroes of the Canterbury earthquake. Without engineers, Christchurch would be in a much worse state than it is. And the same goes for all of us. Engineering is the essence of civilisation. Without it, we wouldn’t have cities, sewers, roads, rails, dams, bridges or any of the other marvels on which we depend. Engineers aren’t just the unsung heroes of the earthquake, they’re the unsung heroes of everything. Best Chilean Mine Rescue:Take a bow, Copiapo. This was a triumph - and a tribute to the human genius for invention. Not surprisingly, the jackals of the media quickly focussing on juicy stuff like cannibalism. Apparently, before they were found, the miners did consider eating each other. Big deal! So what? Every politician in the country thinks the same thing whenever they go into caucus. Best Vanishing Act:A year ago, it was the scariest elephant in the room, its menaces trumpeted on the telly and in the papers. Now it’s vanished, gone. Like Elvis, Global Warming has left the building. The spine-chilling reports of imminent doom have stopped. The End is no longer nigh. When hundreds of leaked academic emails revealed the dodgy stats, shonky graphs and rampant egos driving this pseudoscientific hocus- pocus, journalists just shook their heads and walked away. Crisis over. Whoopee! Long may it remain so. We’ve got enough to worry about with that bogus piffle rearing its spooky head again.
Merry Christmas, one and all. Keep your powder dry and your fingers crossed that the world will still be willing to lend us $250,000,000 a week next year. ‘Cos we’re gonna need it, folks!!!’
Energy NZ Vol.4 No.6 November-December 2010 |
Time for one of those End of Year review things, you know, Best Book, Best Picture, Sexiest Politician. Normally, such lists appear in the silly season but since this is a mag whose readers are leaders, we’re getting in first. So here’s The 2010 EnergyNZ Awards (or some of them, anyway) beginning with: